Here's The Worst Thing You Can Do In A Relationship, And How To Fix It

Here’s The Worst Thing You Can Do In A Relationship

Before I tell you what the worst thing you can do in a relationship is, let me start by saying this:

There are actually a few things you can do wrong in a relationship.

But, in my opinion, there is only one thing that damages relationships more than others (not counting cheating). This one thing opens up a rabbit hole of anxiety and before you know it, you’re spinning out of control. We all do it to some degree, but for highly anxious people, it’s especially damaging.

The worst thing you can do in a relationship is assume.

That’s it. Assumption.

Stop and think about it for a second. Have you ever assumed anything only to be completely wrong? I can almost guarantee that you have…because we all have. In fact, the very definition of assumption is: a thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proofThose last two words are key. No wonder we’ve all been wrong before.

Assumption usually means that you haven’t effectively communicated with the other person. Assuming that they will act a certain way or do something the way you want them to without actually talking to them about it makes relationships a lot harder than they have to be. Once you start that game, it will continue until you hit a breaking point. Usually, that breaking point is at the most inopportune time and creates a lot of unnecessary drama.

This actually applies to ANY relationship…coworkers, friends, family or partners.

I used to assume a lot at work, which helped contribute to most of my distress and unhappiness. I’m a total type A personality (my motto having been ‘Do it right the first time or not at all’). I was constantly on edge, making sure my hand was in every pot to avoid any problems down the line. Not only did that put undue stress on me, it also made me resentful toward others…simply because I felt I was the only person who could do it right. I’ve since learned that I cannot assume everyone does things the way I do. I also cannot control every outcome. Allowing things to unfold naturally has made me so much happier.

In personal relationships, when you start assuming things about your partner, the spiral of anxiety rears its ugly head and it’s hard to escape. I can’t tell you how many fights could have been avoided if I had just communicated my concern instead of holding it in and allowing my mind to spiral. More often than not, the reality wasn’t what I thought at all, but just a projection of an insecurity I had.

Communication is key.

Effective communication can solve many, many problems. There may be times when we just ASSUME things are obvious, but not everyone thinks the same. Therefore, it’s important to touch upon things either before or as they happen. Creating an open line of communication may seem a bit scary to those that are used to doing things on their own, but trust me, it gets easier. Scheduling time for open communication is also a good idea. That way you have time to write down any concerns, knowing it will all be addressed at that time.

If you feel like you’ve tried everything and can’t seem to hold an open line of communication with someone, consider outside help. A therapist will be able to teach you effective methods of communication and you will also have a safe space to put it all out on the table. You may just need that little push out of your comfort zone to really let things start to flow.

Remember, the worst thing you can do in a relationship is not communicate, which in turn makes you assume things about your partner that most likely are not true.

Feel free to let me know what you think below!

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20 thoughts on “Here’s The Worst Thing You Can Do In A Relationship

    1. Yes! Many people don’t, though, which contributes to so many break ups. One also has to be aware of their own insecurities, though.

  1. You know the old saying…ASSUME makes an ass out of you and me! I am in total agreement that assumptions can be completely detrimental to a relationship. Also, I’m a big believer in communication. I can’t tell you how many times lines have gotten crossed in my relationships because one or both of us didn’t communicate ourselves clearly. Thanks for sharing. Great post!

  2. I agree with you on this. Assuming creates more problems than it solves. It also makes your partner be on the defensive all the time which then builds resentment. Great post.

  3. Preach! This is such a common challenge in relationship. And can be so damaging. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve jumped to conclusions and been completely wrong. Completely. Being aware of it, though, is so important. Without the awareness, I might not acknowledge that my assumptions were wrong, and I might never learn from my mistakes. Thanks so much for the thoughtful post!

  4. Yes, assuming is horrible to do. And assuming can also kill communication – and I don’t just mean that someone doesn’t think to communicate. Assuming can create a host of other problems (judgement, criticism, etc) that literally puts a stop to all productive communication. At the same time, communication is a must! Thanks for the great post!

  5. So true – and not just with your partner. The same thing can happen with good friendships too, leading to resentment. Sometimes it can be a pride thing too, where a person prefers to assume more than take the time to communicate and find something out properly. Great post!

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